Sunday Funday?

Sunday Morning by Terry Redlin

I'm beginning to not like Sundays.  During the week, I'm purposeful about trying to stay focused on good things…my kids, good memories of Jeff, seeing Jeff again, friends, etc.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not avoiding the loss during the week.  I think about Jeffrey all the time.  I talk to him each day.  But during the week, I am naturally busy, and very intent at being focused on my faith rather than the loss.  Saturday rolls around, and I usually keep busy taking care of our family and still remaining focused.  Sunday rolls around, and I just don't want to get out of bed.  I'm tired…physically and emotionally. I sleep the majority of the day.  It's actually very depressing, which doesn't help with my depression.  Ugh!

Now, why is this?  Could be that being positive and purposefully focused on the good has sucked the energy out of me.  Ali thinks it is because Sunday is the day of the week we got the most time with Jeff. I think she is on to something. Now, mind you, it's hunting season.  So, on a typical Sunday I wouldn't see him until sundown.  But, I would see him, and now I don't.  I would get hugs and kisses from him, and now I don't.  I would get to hear his jokes and laughter.   Now, I don't. 

I think part of why I'm sleeping so much on Sunday is because I just might have a chance of seeing Jeff, hearing his voice, and getting a hug.  I know that is a little odd.  I always look forward to bedtime or nap-times because of this, but I shouldn't be sending life to do this.  I don't want to dislike Sundays, so I'm going to talk to my counselor about it this week.  See if she can help me work through my thoughts and feelings.